


cemeteries

by itisjosh



Series: change won't come if we don't begin [18]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Friendships, Escape, Exhaustion, Family, Flowers, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, Murder, Pogtopia, Post-Betrayal, Redemption, Self-Sacrifice, Self-Worth Issues, Sleep Deprivation, TW for implied self harm, War, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26744713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: Eret knows that he's redeeming himself, that he's getting better. He knows this.So why doesn't he feel like it?
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Eret, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: change won't come if we don't begin [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939360
Comments: 20
Kudos: 517





	cemeteries

Eret breathes out, shivering as he sits in his room. Wilbur had Techno and Tommy dig one out for him, to make sure the cavern was safe before he would stay there. Eret's not entirely sure why. He knows that Tubbo's vouched for him, and if Tubbo vouched for him, Tommy'll probably do the same. None of them have any reason to trust him, not after what he did. Eret regrets it. He regrets it so much, he really does. But regret doesn't mean anything - he still did it. He still did it, that's all that matters. He betrayed his little brother and best friends. No matter how much he regrets it, it won't change anything. Regret can't change the past. Eret shudders, pulling the blankets closer to him, trying to even out his breathing. 

It's so _cold_. He knows Wilbur and Techno are up, talking to each other about plans in the dark. He doesn't want to bother them, not yet at least. Not when he's still completely untrustworthy. Eret is shocked that they didn't lock him up, that Wilbur didn't tell him to get the hell away from Pogtopia, to never come back. Eret's surprised Wilbur didn't execute him right then and there. Well, he's not. He's just as unsurprised as he is shocked. Wilbur's always been such a kind man, so ridiculously caring, much too willing to give out second chances. Maybe he could tell, Eret thinks. Maybe Wilbur could tell that he was really, and _is_ , truly sorry. Maybe he just went with Tubbo's judgement, which isn't a bad call. Tubbo is very rarely wrong. Maybe it's because Eret helped them escape. 

He breathes out, frowning at the puff of fog that comes with it. Eret glances down at his arms, looking away from them when he sees the scars. It's been a long time now, he's not entirely sure how he can still see them. The wave of expected guilt comes crashing down on him, and Eret has to bite down on his lip to block it out. Pain helps him think, pain helps him _stop_ thinking. He covers himself up more with the blanket, keeping it tightly wrapped against his arms. Eret sighs, closing his eyes for a few moments. 

He blinks, exhales. Forces himself to remember who he is and where he is, what he's fighting for.

Eret leans back in his bed, the mattress creaking underneath of him as he does. Maybe he'll finally be able to sleep. Maybe he can sleep now, knowing he's finally somewhere safe.

* * *

Although he knew it wouldn't happen, Eret is still disappointed when he watches Wilbur open his door. "Hey," he sighs. "How'd you sleep?" He asks, mostly out of politeness. Wilbur didn't sleep last night - Eret heard him talking with Techno all night. Just quietly enough that he couldn't make out what they were saying, but just loud enough that he knew they were speaking. Wilbur sighs back at him, heavy bags under his eyes. "Yeah. Me, too."

"I know," Wilbur sits himself down next to Eret, putting his hands in his lap. "I thought it'd be better, knowing that I was safe here. Knowing I had gotten Tommy out," Wilbur pauses, ducking his head. "Thank you."

"It was the least I could do," Eret snorts, closing his eyes as he leans back in bed. "I fucked up, Wilbur. I can't say it enough, I..I'm really sorry. I wouldn't trust me, but I-"

Wilbur clears his throat, cutting him off. "You saved our lives, Eret. You didn't have to do that. You could've left us alone, you could've stayed loyal to him. But you didn't. You _saved_ our _lives_ , Eret. Tommy told me that you carried Fundy and Tubbo back to L'manberg." Eret scoffs.

"It was the least I could do. I just watched him see his best friend and brother die, Wilbur. And he..he wasn't going to be strong enough to carry all three of you back, he couldn't do it on his own. As soon as I pushed that button, Wilbur, I..I knew I fucked up. But it was too late then, wasn't it?"

"It was," Wilbur agrees. "But it isn't anymore. I forgive you, Eret," he turns back, patting Eret's leg. "Thank you. I know that you're redeeming yourself and all that. This is your redemption arc, right?" Wilbur grins, his eyes sparkling a little. "We're fighting for the same thing now. I think we always have been." 

Eret smiles, nodding at his President. "Thank you, Wilbur."

"Of course, Eret. Now," Wilbur drags himself off of the bed, cracking his back as he does so. "Come on. We've got a long day of planning to do."

* * *

"Drink. You haven't since we've been here." Eret blinks, glancing down at the cup of water Niki slides towards him. Shit, how the hell did she notice? He sighs under his breath, tapping his fingers against the table. Niki's smart. She's so fucking smart, all of them are. Of course she noticed, of course she figured it out.

"That's just because we don't have much," Eret assures her, beaming. The water is _very_ appealing. He's so fucking thirsty. It's been about a day and a half now, and _god_ , he's thirsty. But it doesn't matter if he is, because so is Tubbo. So is Tommy, and Techno, and Wilbur, and Niki. "I don't need that. I'm fine, Niki. Promise." He promises her, even if it's a lie. Even if they both know that it's a lie. 

"Drink the damn water, Eret," Wilbur stares him down, glaring at him. "It's not a waste. We'll be fine, Eret. I'm not going to let you die. You're my _friend_. I'm your President, right?" Fuck. Eret looks away from him, closing his eyes for a second. He's..he's so fucking thirsty. "Am I?"

Eret sighs, reaching out for the cup. "Yes, Wilbur. You are." He downs the water is a matter of seconds, the cool liquid immediately getting rid of the dryness in his throat, clearing the fog in his mind. 

"Good," Wilbur claps his hands together, beaming. Eret sighs, resting his head in his arms, quietly thinking about if it was worth it. He's still a traitor. It doesn't matter if he was loyal or not to Schlatt, he still helped kill Ponk. He still threw Fundy's body over the bridge. He still helped Tubbo and Niki escape. Eret wishes he didn't have a pattern. He wishes he wasn't so stupid and predictable. He was loyal to L'manberg until the tides started to flip. He was loyal until things started looking scuffed, and then he left. Who the hell does that? What kind of person.. "I'm kind of pissed that Tommy won this game." He blinks, glancing up at Tommy, who's grinning like a madman. 

"You know, we could just threaten them to a game of _Go Fish_. Send in Tommy, make them send in like, George, or somethin'. I bet we'd win." Eret snorts, smiling as he sits back up. Maybe drinking the water was worth it. 

* * *

"Not gonna lie," Eret scoffs, shuffling his feet in the snow. "Kind of wish that I had brought myself a warmer jacket." Wilbur snorts, giving him a light shove. 

"Seems like a you problem."

"Keep talking like that, Soot, and I'm gonna steal yours."

Wilbur gasps at him, grinning, his eyes lighting up. "Oh? You'd never. I'm your President, and that's against the law."

"It isn't in any law book, is it? I read through all of your policies, Wilbur. I know what's against the law, and me stealing your coat is not one of those things." Wilbur opens his mouth to say something else, but he's cut off by Tubbo, who calls for them to stop. 

"Golden carrot!" Tubbo calls out. Eret beams at his little brother, watching as the carrot sparkles and glitters. "There might be a patch of them. Maybe Techno can farm them?" Wilbur nods, hands on his hips. 

"He can. Dad taught him to before he left. Do you think that there's anymore?" Eret silently wishes that he could've met Phil - he thinks that he would've really liked him. Phil left long before Eret even met Wilbur and Techno, which sucks. But, to be fair, Wilbur has said that his dad shows up whenever he wants, that he's just off doing his own thing right now. Which Eret can understand, he really can. He doesn't think he's able to leave this place, but if he could..would he? He isn't sure. Maybe he would, maybe he'd-

"I seriously think it's gonna storm. I think we should go back, seriously. It looks bad, Wilbur."

Eret snaps himself out of his thoughts, glancing up at the sky. "Hm," he murmurs, staring at the clouds. They're a little greyer than they probably should be. "He might be right, Wilbur. I don't like how it's looking." Wilbur pauses for a few seconds, sighing a moment later.

"Okay. We can always get out tomorrow if it hasn't frozen over. Good thing we didn't get out too far." Eret agrees with that, frowning at the sound of a twig snapping. He whirls around on his heels, sword scuffing the ground as he turns to look at-

Fundy. 

"Hi, Will. I, uh. Built myself a little house out here. A little bunker," Fundy points behind him, tail lashing back and forth. "Figured that, uh. You were right. Living with Schlatt isn't..not..it's not that great. So, um, hi. Kind of figured that Eret and Niki and you were right. So I'm a spy now," he grins, fangs blindingly white in the snow. "I'm kind of upset about you killing me," Fundy glances over at Tubbo, an ear pressed down against his face. "But, uh, I get it. Sorry for trying to kill you."

"Eret and Niki were never loyal to him to begin with. You chose him, you tried to-" Wilbur snarls, taking a step forwards, his hands trembling. Eret reaches out, grabbing him by the shoulder, yanking him back. His crossbow is dangerously close to firing. 

He doesn't hear much of what else Fundy says, everything is a blur, really. Wilbur tells him he wants an Ender Chest, and then Fundy's on the ground, blood pooling around him, arrow sticking out of his throat. Eret feels himself shuffle off in the snow, following his President and little brother home. 

_Fuck._

* * *

"Eret!" Tubbo practically slams into the door, screeching to a halt before he actually hits it. "Eret, hello! Good morning!"

"Hi, Tubbo," Eret laughs, turning to look back at his little brother. Wilbur had given him some stupid flower a day or two back, to help him decorate his room. It's looking a lot better, actually. A little fuller, a little more lively. Less dead, less..less bad. Less like his room in "Manberg". He pushes his plant back on his desk, beaming at Tubbo. "What do you need?"

Tubbo shrugs, grinning. "Nothing! I just wanted to, um, I don't know," he gestures to the thing in his hands..oh. It's another flower. Of course it is. "These are winter poppies!" Tubbo beams, setting the flower on his desk. "They're not supposed to live, but apparently Phil did something weird to this ravine, and a lot of things are actually alive when they shouldn't be, and it's really cool if I'm being honesty, and-"

"Okay," Eret laughs, cutting him off before he runs out of breath. "Thank you, Tubbo. Thank you. I love it." Tubbo beams at him, standing a little taller.

"Thanks! Okay, I gotta go now, Wilbur wanted me to talk with Techno, I.." he glances behind him, turning to look back at Eret one last time. "Alright, bye! I love you!"

"Love you too, Tubbo." Eret promises, watching as his little brother scampers off, disappearing into another cavern. He smiles, picking up the winter poppy. It's small, completely covered in frost. But it isn't dead. It's still a bright reddish colour, the stem still a pale green. He sets the poppy back down on his desk, closing his eyes as he listens to Cat play from Tommy's room, a little too loudly. He can hear Wilbur and Niki arguing about something, and he can faintly hear Techno and Tubbo in the farm section of Pogtopia. 

Eret smiles to himself, running his finger over the stem of the poppy again. 

Maybe things aren't all so bad.


End file.
